Through The Upstairs Window

I wrote this on the 5th of May, while I was watching Soccergirl play outside with one of her neighborhood friends:

Through the upstairs window, I watch you playing on the lawn. I’m still wearing my shoes, even though I would rather take them off, just in case I have to go downstairs to help you if you fall.

I can hear you singing.

You are playing with the pink ball that I bought for you a few weeks ago.

As much as I tell you that I love you, and as much as I know that you know that I love you, I don’t think there are words enough to describe it to you.

You see, you are my second chance.

My second chance to be the father I have always wanted but didn’t have. My second chance to be present in the life of my child, after my first marriage fell apart, and took your older sister so far away.

Do you know how important it is that I don’t screw this up?

Maybe you will when you get older.

I want so many things for your future, but I am not going to saddle my unfulfilled dreams on your shoulders. What I mostly want for you, is happiness. I want you to be happy.

I want you to go through your adult life with as much joy as you have right now, shrieking and laughing with Fionna as you play tag.

I want to be the example of what you see in your mind’s eye when you think of what a husband and father should be; a man that comes home from work and spends his time with his family; a man that takes care of and protects his family; a man that is respectful of his wife and children; a man that doesn’t believe in violence in the home; a man that is a fully participatory father.

I hope I can live up to it. I think I’m off to a good start.


Daddy